I just have to say that I have eaten every damned thing in sight that my lap-band would allow over the Christmas holiday…and I knew I was going to do so and I am not sorry for it.

That’s a bit of an exaggeration. I didn’t eat everything. The dog is still in one piece. More accurate a statement would be “I purposely and intentionally stepped foot off most of my diet.” My stomach was actually nauseous twice because my tummy is so unused to cane sugar now. Those were the times I lay on my bed looking at the half a cinnamon roll loosely gripped in my hand, rocking and swearing to God to never eat sugar again.

So, yes; I whored my stomach out for a few days worth of pumpkin pie, Hershey’s Kisses and my sister Gabby’s traditional home-made cinnamon rolls.

And I would do it again.

The damage is two pounds. I gained two pounds, then lost two pounds and I’m weaning back off sugar. I’ve a five-day plan and am happy to do it. I’ve had enough. Some people go out for New Years Eve as their big bash of the year and get blotto…I don’t drink alcohol; I have pumpkin pie. So sue me.

We still have Epiphany coming up… How appropriate. My life has been an epiphany for the past year.

Female Operatic Ah

I don’t know if God instilled a hope chip in me that never seems to go down, or if I have learned after all these years of stupidity and insane living that there is always a new road and new adventure.

Or it could be that I have Bipolar Disorder…………….

Nah.

Who knows, who cares…the point is, I’m not sad, finally. My sunshine is back and it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten my lessons, it means I finally learned them and came to terms with them.

Mother and Ed used to call me Miss Mary Sunshine as a very little girl (well, they also called me Moosy but that’s another story and they are a little weird). Sometimes, I would look at it as a curse, this unquenchable looking to the future…and sometimes it was just that very thing. If I knew when to give up hope for my desired outcome there wouldn’t have been so many stupid mistakes. Sometimes we just have to know when to cut our losses. But these are lessons and water under the bridge. Somethings will just have remain a conscious effort and not a natural reaction and , wow, that’s OK ( I sound like Stuart Smalley). We are always a work in progress.

I’m good enough

Photo by saxarocks

This same chip or character trait or learned lesson…what the fuck ever… has kicked into gear, now. I have other projects to focus on, small mountains to climb and conquer and some are only within the craggy terrain of my head and heart. This is wonderful and amazing.

Starting with the new scarf I am knitting. Knitting was never my forte, I was a crocheter, but the knitting needles were staring me in the face every time I went into my closet so, what the Hell. Maybe now that I’m a grown up and my eye-hand co-ordination is better  it won’t look like some prehistoric cave woman stitched the pieces with two whale bones and a vine (That’s a joke, folks. My name isn’t Grace for a reason).

The State of My Union

• Mood: Content and cheerful
• Whats my body doing?: Very low pain level, but tired from all the junk food in the system. I own it.
• Whats on my mind?:Fighting what is, and wishing what isn’t won’t make it happen…Is it knit one, perl two or knit two, perl one?…I forget.
• Band Restriction: Perfect
• Eating: Let’s not even discuss it
• Water: About 2 quarts
• Net Carbs: I don’t think I can count that high.
• Exercise: Walking around the huge shopping blocks with my Samantha for a few hours. Don’t judge me…does knitting count as exercise?

I better get back to my knitting project and clean up for Lizz’s last day of in home therapy. She’s headed back to out-patient therapy! Go YOU , Lizzie! You’re amazing!

Hey, does this look like I dropped a stitch somewhere? It’s lopsided…damn it, a friggin’ knot in the yarn….what the Hell…how did I get tangled up…my earring…balls…

Ow…