Captains Log

Star Date 11201.01

We have successfully traversed the wormhole termed and labeled simply “2011″ and are in a vast, new universe complete with its own resplendent planetary focal “Mii” as apposed to a star as in the last universe visited.  It is not without trepidation that this ship begins a new journey into, what appears to be, an uncharted and uninhabited area of space to go where no man has gone before.

Yeah, I know, I’m an ass. But it’s fun in my brain some days. I occasionally make myself giggle in the middle of the market or at funerals with some of the cartoons that run through my head. I think in pictures, as we ascertained not so long ago. It’s like a non-stop cartoon or movie playing in my head. Star Trek is a common theme.

Lizz has been gone since ten am on Christmas morning (save for two days where she came home each day for a few hours for appointments). While weird and so crazy quiet here, I can’t say it’s been awful. She’s off having a good time with Daddy and his family so I’m able to slow down and relax. What ever I clean, stays clean…I don’t cook if I don’t feel like eating. Lettuce out of a bag and eggs with hot sauce and cheese has been my staple. It’s like being nineteen again but with better food choices.

There is a down side, aside from going to “The Back of The Vegetable Drawer”, I haven’t left the house since Thursday.I’ve gone nowhere.

No. Where.

My feet haven’t even left my backyard. I told ya’, I need more cats.

Now, while it kinda’s sucks, I have always been OK with my own company provided I have stuff to do. Wanna know what I have done?

I have worn a groove in the chair at my laptop. That’s it. I tackled some cleaning but nothing worth talking about here.

Sorta’ like guys who lift twelve ounces liquids weights, it’s been counterproductive. It would be so cool if someone stood over my bed every morning and told me to get my ass up and walk the dog for three or four miles. This being the grown up is bad mojo to have in my hands, I totally fuck it up with lack of discipline. If someone would come over every morning I could be angry with them instead of myself…because in my world it’s all about me, isn’t it?

Truth is, it isn’t all about me; it can’t be for any of us. When that happens we lose so much (people, lovers, jobs, the list goes on) when we become hyper focused on ourselves and our issues. The isolation is getting to me and I need to be out with others, to socialize face to face. The internet is fabulous and has given me really cool people I wouldn’t have met otherwise. Face to face socialization is different. While internet socialization allows me to get to know someone from the inside out, this doesn’t discount the need to see, hear, touch and interact with others body language, voices, hands and general character. Wishing that the friends I have made online were physically in my life won’t make it happen, period. The lie that I tell myself is “There is work to be done”. Quite frankly, the amount of posts and promotion of my blog is shamefully miniscule, so that is such a line of bullshit. The fact is, being around people face to face is tough. I am then obligated to deal with them.

I love you but I can’t hug you. Comparing every live person I am able to very slowly and tediously meet to any of you amazing people is fruitless.

I am lonely.

As far as weight goes, I’m back to my pre-holiday weight but am struggling to lose the white flour and sugar. While not binging by any means, I am having it every day and am past my five-day plan. Working on it daily and holding out until I feel I will drive to the market for a Skor bar has helped keep it to a minimum.

The State of My Unions:

• Mood: Flat and lonely.
• Whats my body doing?: No pain and behaving normally.
• Whats on my mind?: Quit being a hermit, you jackass.
• Band Restriction: Perfect
• Eating: Aside from the seven Saltine crackers?
• Water: About 1.5 quarts
• Net Carbs: 110 grams (Quit gasping. Don’t be a wuss.)
• Exercise: *Laughing*

So, enough emo shit.

Wake me up in the morning, would ya’?

I’ll give you a dollar.

Fine. You don’t love me.

I’ll set my alarm.