About Chrissy

I probably should have been named “Vicissitude” and not Chrissy :

World English Dictionaryvicissitude(vɪˈsɪsɪˌtjuːd)— n

variation or mutability in nature or life, esp successivealternation from one condition or thing to another

a variation in circumstance, fortune, character, etc

[C16: from Latin vicissitūdō, from vicis change, alternation]Collins English Dictionary – Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition2009 © William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. 1979, 1986 © HarperCollinsPublishers 1998, 2000, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009

The base of my life is change. There is always another layer of “stuff” peeled away as life goes on. Just when I think I’ve gotten my subconscious and conscious under control, something new shows itself to me, or rather my eyes can suddenly see something that’s been there all along. Hopefully, the desire to grow never goes away.

To go into the why and how I got fat would be too long and complicated. I was not always fat. But when I was forty-four I knew I had to get the excess weight off my five foot two-inch frame when hospitalized with Congestive Heart Failure . The doctors were unable to find a reason for the C.H.F. and my good friend Scott had died the previous December from a sudden myocardial infarction (heart attack). I was still grieving and shaken up. Smoking was one addictive behavior that couldn’t be beat for me. After thirty years as a smoker, I had tried so many times to quit and would always go back to it. There were years without cigarettes, and I would pick one up. He had asked me many times to quit smoking during the last six months he was alive. His cardiac issues had just been diagnosed and he was an ex-smoker. My life has been healed of active alcohol, drugs, P.T.S.D., certain eating disorder behavior. Why couldn’t I just put these down the same way?

The night I was being admitted to the hospital for six days, I smoked a cigarette outside at five thirty in the evening. I never had another one. There was no plan to quit smoking. It just happened. I never had another craving from that day on. In fact, it’s difficult for me to remember what it was like to smoke. I am not an ex-smoker. I am a non-smoker.

Certain parts have been lifted of the eating disorder but that left the eating part and much of my P.T.S.D. had been healed. Having been diagnosed as bipolar at thirty-two, I acquiesced to medication. I had been on the medication treadmill for so many years as well as medications for my chronic urticaria. The atypical antipsychotic, mood stabilizers and antidepressants added to Benadryl and Prednisone each caused either appetite increase or unexplained weight gain. For twelve years my weight fluctuated between overweight by ten pounds and obesity. At forty-two, I dropped all medications for my Bipolar and simply went to Lamictal, a mood stabilizer and Strattera for my A.D.H.D. The effect it has had on my life has been immeasurable and amazing.

Of my three children, Shawn, Samantha and Elizabeth, Lizz would be diagnosed with Pediatric Bipolar and she was a severe bullying case with suicidal times. My two other children, Shawn and Samantha were young adults and such strong people. I knew they would miss me terribly and grieve, Elizabeth was still a child and needed me daily for her care. I couldn’t leave them without a fight. So, I began looking into adjustable gastric banding (Lap Band or Realize Band). Having Tuberous Sclerosis Complex with angiomiolypomas bilaterally in my kidneys and a history of C.H.F. required me to do a bit more testing than the average bear.

Just over a week before my surgery a friend, Jeff, was hospitalized with massive kidney failure and a mass in his bladder. Five days before my surgery the seventeen year old older sister of Lizz’s primary bully assaulted me on our front steps. After having surgery September 22, 2010, I spent the next eleven months taking care of Jeff, homeschooling Elizabeth, and many other challenges. Having no restriction in my band most of that time discouraged and frustrated me. Though I gained no weight, I lost and regained fifteen pounds.

Lizz and I moved May 2011 and Jeff passed away on August 15, 2011.

It was bittersweet, with Jeff’s passing and our new, safe neighborhood and apartment. Focusing on my life and Elizabeth’s is taking some adjusting, as it’s all new to me. I’ve always been in a relationship that was all-consuming, or dealing with crisis for the past fourteen years.

I am like a brand new bander, a year after the surgery (at the time of this writing). I have restriction, now, which helps and Elizabeth is stabilizing. She’s a strong, wonderful person. Samantha is an amazing woman who moved almost a thousand miles away to Chicago for college and continues to bloom and grow. Shawn is a stable, outgoing, kind and gentle man with a happy life about a hundred miles away in Philadelphia. I couldn’t be more grateful for or proud of my kids. So, you see, it’s not just about me, it’s about them. I want to live to see as much of their lives as possible.

Thanks for reading my long-winded story and I hope you stick around to read and share some of your story. Connecting to you teaches me. I need that gift.